OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
