You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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