Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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