this beer tastes like vomit already
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
