i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
