I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
