She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
