I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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