i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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