I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
