i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
