Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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