Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We're too hungover to prance.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
