I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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