the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
