i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
