i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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