Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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