so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i love accidental penises.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
how drunk are you?
Several
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
