There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
