in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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