i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
