I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
