I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
