Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
