My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
