he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
