from now on my penis is your penis
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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