It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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