I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
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This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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