Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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