I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
