I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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