it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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