I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
