Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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