I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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