I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
FUCK WHALES
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
