Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
40s are totally the cure
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
