I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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