just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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