She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
