I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
