How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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