Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina

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(847): View more from Illinois

I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him

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(845): View more from New York

Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self

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(248): View more from Michigan

If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.

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(312): View more from Illinois

I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score

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(303): View more from Colorado

Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...

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(573): View more from Missouri

Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?

(380): View more from Ohio

I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now

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