My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
