Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
smell my finger.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
