It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
