if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
