Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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