My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
