Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
