I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
