I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You are a genius and a whore.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
