I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
