Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
