Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
