I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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