I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
