He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
