that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
