In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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