I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
