Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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