my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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