dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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