That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
