dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
