OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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