well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
