if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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