ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Randomize
